I Blame You!
by baseballgirl1313
Summary: My first attempt at comedy! What happens when the U.N. gets all of the nations in a room and says that thye can blame eachother for anything that they have done and nothing is off limits? Cue the crack!


Title: "I Blame You!"

A/N: Wrote this a looong time ago, still manages to make me laugh so…what the hell, I'll put it up. This is all based on true current (and some maybe not-so-current) events. Reviews are greatly appreciated, though flames are not! Enjoy this! Country names only used. (Also, fans of Justin Bieber and Celine Dion and the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus and Chinese products and Toyota can calm down, it's all in the name of fun, and if you don't think so, you have no business here!)

Rating: T- for cursing, Romano, and France- 'nuff said.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not making money off of this, so don't get your kickers in a twist!

Tensions had been building up between the nations of the world for a while now. In fact, it was to the point that each world meeting became similar to a room full of gas with a lit match waiting right outside the door.

The United Nations was _fed up_. As it was his job to help the nations PEACEFULLY communicate, this tension was an absolute nightmare! Long story short, if he didn't do something to fix this, he was gonna lose his job. So, he sent and urgent message to the "boss" of each and every country calling for an emergency meeting.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" the U.N. shouted "Today, you're going to vent. Everyone is allowed to blame another country for something, anything that they have an issue with. No one is to take any of this to heart, AND THERE WILL BE NO WARS! Understood?"

He took the collective silence that followed as a "yes".

"Ooo! I wanna start!" America yelled, the U.N. nodded "Uhm, okay. Canada! I want to blame you for cursing the world with… Justin Bieber! And Celine Dion!"

"Oi! It's your fault for the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus, eh?"the Canadian said, hugging his bear tighter.

"I blame Russia for all the ghosts!" England loudly proclaimed, pointing the said Russian, and said Russian had a rapidly growing purple hue surrounding him.

"Huh? Me?" He asked innocently, fingering his pipe "Maybe it's you who is to blame, Comrade Britain. What with all of your dark magic, da?"

"I blame China for overpopulation." Germany chimed in.

"Aiyah! Well you're to blame for World War Two, Nazi bastard, aru!"

"It's America's fault for obesity!" France smirked.

"Hey, no fair dude!" the blond superpower retorted "England over there should have raised me better!"

"Why you gluttonous #?*!%/~!" the former pirate yelled.

"It's also America-san's fault my home is now radioactive." Japan mumbled.

"Don't open _that_ old can of shit, Japan! Pearl Harbor, Japan, Pearl Harbor!"

"Whoa guys! That's not very nice! Now this is supposed to help us fell better and get along! Come on, don't fight! Ve~!" Italy said sweetly.

"Easy for _you_ to say! In fact, aren't you and your pissy older brother to blame for the mafia?" Belarus hissed.

"Everyone has a mafia now adays bitch! China, America, your '_beloved' _older brother, shoot, even _Japan_!" yelled the 'pissy older brother' in question.

"Now, now. Romano's sweet enough, just give 'im a tomato." Spain smiled, putting an arm around the Italian's shoulders.

"Thank you, mister pedophile!" Austria shouted.

"Did someone call for me?" France asked.

"You're welcome, Austria." The Spaniard gave the Austrian a wicked grin. "Hey, how's that military goin'? Did you have to take at the front lines to fit in the orchestra?" his green eyes flashed.

In response, the aristocratic man humphed and walked away.

"So Romano, I was watching this show the other day and-" Spain began, only to have the smaller man shove him off and stalk away.

"Tell you what, Spain. I know your number, I'll be sure and give you a call when I give a fuck!"

While this was going on, Switzerland made his way to Belgium.

"The chocolate monopoly is _mine_." He hissed.

"Back off my sister, you trigger-happy goat lover!" Netherlands yelled.

Meanwhile, Turkey was attempting to strangle Greece as Japan desperately tried to pull them apart. America was yelling at China for "crap-ass products". Sealand (he's totally a nation, you haters! (though apparently not in the dictionary…)) was yelling at England for being a "British jerk of all jerks". France laughed at England's lack of parenting skills before returning to tugging on Canada's curl while whispering into his son's ear.

"But you can't spell "manslaughter" without "laughter, da?" asked Russia, a tad defensively.

"Well…yeah…but you _can_ commit it without laughter!" America yelled back.

"But…why?" the taller man asked, clearly confused.

America paled, then turned his attention once again to a certain bushido nation.

"Japan, dude! What's up with Toyota? Damn near killed me!"

"I apologize, America-_kun_. However, at least my banks don't take my peoples' money, then spend it on bonuses, then go bankrupt." The short man said calmly, eyes narrowing.

Everyone was yelling now. Some (Greece and Turkey, France and England, America and Russia) had resorted to physically beating each other up.

The U.N. sat at the head of the table, fighting off the growing migrane. A scone hit his head, his head hit the table. He groaned.

Worst. Idea. _**EVER**_!

A/N: can you say CRACK? Sorry, I just…I had to! (this was origionally written before the collapse of the Canadian Government and the horrible disaster the people of Japan are going through. My heart goes out to them, I hope for nothing but the best for the entire nation.

Thanks for reading! Remember, no flames, my first attempt at comedy!


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